I don’t like being wrong…do you?

With constant new information and the need to frequently adapt, how do we help the children in our care, as well as ourselves, deal with our discomfort in being wrong?

By Kim Gillingham

I am a person that knows very little. I believe that information is constantly changing, there is always room for improvement, and that my ideas will not necessarily match others. I’m open to “being wrong” and yet, I don’t like it.

As an adult, I’m able to wrap my head around the discomfort of cognitive dissonance but am particularly interested in understanding how to help children navigate it.  Simply put, cognitive dissonance is when we experience two opposing views or behaviours, and our internal psychology doesn’t like it. It therefore picks a side and wants that choice to be correct. To feel more at ease with this decision we may then undervalue the other belief, action or idea. We may go so far as to believe that the person who introduced the idea to us is wrong or doesn’t know what they are talking about and therefore holds little value.

For kids, the same is true. If an adult were to tell a child that too much screen time is bad for them, they may agree or understand but…they would then need to turn the screen off. If that game or show is really captivating and they want to continue playing it, then they have an uncomfortable choice to make. If the importance of the screen wins out but the adult insists that it is turned off, then the easiest thought is to blame the adult for interfering or not understanding them and the modern world.  If the child is old enough, they may even begin to look for others that support their view and, let’s face it, when it comes to blaming the adults in their world, it’s probably not hard to find others who agree. For really, doesn’t it feel better to blame someone else when we aren’t getting what we want?

A problem with this however, is we can easily dismiss or ignore contradictory information. We may even avoid engaging in opposing discussions because we are uncomfortable with confrontation. Worse yet, we may cave in to social pressures just to maintain the internal balance and avoid the feeling of unease. We may intensify the argument or stick more firmly to our chosen belief breaking down discussions, compromise and the opportunity to problem-solve. When this habit is reinforced it not only affects us in the short term but could have detrimental affects on our children in a world that is based around continuous change.

One thing that seems to be consistent in research is that we need our children (as well as us) to be adaptable to change. With wide access to information, a diverse working team, and the need to constantly innovate and problem-solve, we are surround by new information and perspectives. With new information being a catalyst for cognitive dissonance we may be faced with conflicting ideas and therefore, need to help our students embrace the art of critical thinking.

Within homes, schools and the workplace, creating a psychological safe place can help with this.

  1. Explain to children that the brain’s primary goal is to keep them safe. It may make them feel uneasy when they aren’t sure what the correct answer is or are unsure of an outcome, but this is a natural process. In fact, as part of a growth mindset, they can look at this feeling of unease as a signal that new information is coming that they’ll be able to learn from.
  2. Model the truth that we can’t know everything. Learn alongside each other, continue to ask questions and consider where our ideas come from. Be willing as the parent, teacher or boss to explore the ideas of others.
  3. Allow time for answers and ideas to formulate. If a decision can’t be made immediately, set a time to come back to the discussion the next day. This not only gives the mind a break and time to think differently but also highlights that innovations and solutions do not need to be rushed. Take the time to explore different opinions and strategies to ensure we can agree on an outcome.
  4. Respect and enjoy the process. All our unique experiences have value and are worth considering. We can laugh at our own errors, explore where our ideas come from and consider different pieces of information without always agreeing. By considering different perspectives, it may not always reduce our unease but will help us gain a more well-rounded and inclusive solution.

Understanding the influence of cognitive dissonance and our desire to be right is all part of learning to think critically and imperative in a world where we need to constantly adapt to new information.

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Drop Thought Kids is designed to increase the confidence of our children to wonder and think critically. Occasionally, however, there is need to discuss real life concerns with other adults. If you too are interested in staying up to date on these ideas or joining the conversation, please join the email list below and help to open the conversation.